Scunthorpe United v Gillingham

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Football League One

Scunthorpe United :
Musselwhite, Byrne, Crosby, Butler, Williams, Sparrow (Beagrie 73), Hinds, Baraclough, Corden (Taylor 63), Torpey, Parton (Keogh 63)
Subs not used:
Stanton, Capp

Gillingham :
Brown, Rose, Cox, Hope, Jackman, Hessenthaler (Shields 70), Pouton, Flynn, Crofts, Byfield (sent off 89), Spiller (Jarvis 57)
Subs not used:
Corneille, Knowles, Johnson

SULSESC REPORT

by Mark Borrill at Glanford Park

SELF, teenage son, teenage son's teenage mate, family saloon, pouring rain, M1 motorway... if this sounds like the story for a Hollywood blockbuster involving parental bonding, teen angst and high speed chases, you would be wrong.

More mundanely, these were the basic travel ingredients needed to get us to Glanford Park. Now onto the really boring part of the day - the match itself.

Admittedly, the conditions did not help but this was a dire spectacle when 'Dancing Cups' a la Aggborough would have been very welcome as a diversion. However, a point against one of the division's fancied teams is not to be decried and, to be fair, a number of positives could be taken from the game.

Defensively, United appear to be a solid unit so at the risk of tempting fickle fate, I am not anticipating many heavy defeats.

In the middle, whilst lacking attacking guile, those involved ably support the defence by breaking up opposition threats. Obviously, given the lack of midfield support, the forwards will, of course, be the ones to suffer, relying largely on crosses for opportunities.

So, in summary, few maulings, but very little scoring and, of course, ultimately, relegation but possibly not until the season's final whistle. Who says I am never optimistic?

Before concluding, I must issue this vital safety warning. When driving, do not try and sneak furtive glances at your passengers' salacious reading material. As the two teenagers ogled Nuts, exclaiming "look at those"... and "what a slapper"... and "yeah, I would"... I learnt that motorways are high speed roads and not mobile libraries, so be warned.

Also, twisting your neck at unnatural angles hurts. Torpey wouldn't know that as he doesn't move a muscle. Ever. A cheap shot but one I could not resist, even at such an obvious target.

Thus, to reiterate my safety warning: Replace Torpey with a motorway. Or don't read and drive.