Rushden v Scunthorpe United

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Football League Two

Rushden :
Turley, Sambrook, Gulliver, Gier, Hawkins, Bell, Gray, Burgess, Dove, Hay, Mulligan
Subs not used:
Worgan, Allen, Dempster, Kelly, Taylor

Scunthorpe United :
Musselwhite, Byrne (Stanton 45), Crosby, Butler, Ridley, Sparrow, Baraclough, Kell (Taylor 89), Beagrie, Hayes, Torpey
Subs not used:
Evans, Jackson, Rankine

SULSESC REPORT

by Mark Borrill at Nene Park

A BRIEF Radio Five resume of today’s results included the remarkable statement that in league Two (seems even stranger when written down, let alone spoken) “Scunthorpe United remain the dominant force”.

Dominant force? Scunthorpe United!

Scunthorpe United? Dominant force!

No, sorry, I cannot reconcile this. Surely it was meant as a paradox or a parody, or even a parallel universe. Yes, that’s it, we’ve left Mother Earth and are currently inhabiting another dimension. This must be true as I can find no other answer which explains our league position.

Right, now we have established that back on Earth we are really third from bottom (above Grimsby and pointless Northampton), knocked out of the FA Cup by somebody completely useless or totally loathsome (i.e., Hull), managerless due to Laws’ departure for Forest (Green Rovers) and facing financial meltdown under our new chairman Peter Ridsdale.

Given the above set of circumstances, medical opinion will undoubtedly attribute our departure to an alternative universe as resulting from (a) mass hysteria, (b) schizophrenia, (c) persecution complex, (d) Colombian Marching Powder, (e) dillusions of grandeur or even (f) repressional urges of an unsavoury nature (Darren only).

So back on Planet Janet or whatever the hell we are, Scunthorpe are indeed the dominant force, bringing a vengeful justice to all our inter-galactic opponents.

However, on a more cautionary note, this voyage of discovery into hitherto undreamt of realms may yet ultimately bring us back to Earth with a bang. I wonder if, in our brave new world, there is a cure for pessimism or is scepticism a necessary survival tool?

Leaving aside that particular issue, let’s briefly consider the Dominant Force v Rushden.

Having lost their Medicine Man Max Griggs (AKA Doc Marten), the Diamonds are struggling but they certainly matched a rather subdued Iron and, on Earth, would have won.

Luckily, since we are no longer Earth bound, we won without looking very convincing, especially in defence, particularly in midfield and notably in attack. Apart from that, we were okay.

So, three points harvested and the Dominant Force surges on. But I still fear that the wheels will inevitably fall off and we’ll find ourselves stranded on Uranus.